Green Eyed Monster

Ok, I am officially driven demented – one week to my  garden visitors and the bloody bastard gastropods have eaten all my gorgeous, new, expensive lupins from Camolin, the little fecker of a dog is still digging for Australia, weed on my box turning them brown, pulled the irises out of the pond and pulled out and broken several plants, the lawn is still bare and muddy and it is lashing so can’t get out to weed the thousands of seedlings which appear overnight and the back wall still hasn’t been painted. On top of all this anxiety I am trying to edit my book to an horrendous deadline, give up smoking and go on a diet. I look like a wild woman (a fat, aged one) and my house is a tip and we are financially ruined. I am going to have to make all the box into little standards, which will probably look bonkers, but I can’t leave them the way they are, they are an invitation to leg-cocking little blighters. To be fair to poor Mr P, the foxes all do a lot of the damage, but he is in the frame for most of it and I caught him bang to rights this morning as he was pooing on top of a knautia.

Added to the litany of gripes above I am suffering from the most dreadful bout of garden envy:  I am hopping mad that my sister’s red geums are all about half a metre high and full of blooms – mine are pathetic and the red one is just a blob without any flowers. She only lives around the corner and her garden has exactly the same aspect as mine so this is a mystery (am thinking of sneaking over in the middle of the night and digging hers up). Likewise my friend Caroline has persicaria purpurea which are at least 1.5 metres high while mine are a piddling 50cm. My old pal Karen in Bedfordshire has been posting the most nauseating pictures of her garden – blazing sunshine and beautiful plants in bloom all arranged with enviable artistry in her acre of countryside. Feel horribly ignoble pangs of jealous rage when I look at them. Meanwhile Sarah has just returned from Wales where she visited the wonderful Crûg nurseries and bought a car load of delectable choice plants and my mother in law Janet’s garden looks, as my auntie Gladys would say ‘like something out of a magazine’. Oh humbug!

Have decided that I need to invest in some good flowering trees and shrubs to fill the garden and give it more depth and structure, Daphne – though I have never had much success with it, Viburnum opulus,  Abelia and Hydrangea paniculata perhaps. I need to browse my garden books and have a good think about it (and possibly win the lotto to pay for it all).

Here’s hoping that the next week will be baking hot and gloriously sunny to put off the slugs and encourage growth.  I’m off to buy some slug pellets.




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